This is a question many of us have quietly carried for years.
It’s the question we asked ourselves as our children were growing up. And it’s the question that ultimately led to the creation of Delta Housing Be Mine Society.
Behind the scenes of this organization, we are a group of parents, just like you, that want to see housing in Delta better reflect the diverse needs of adults with intellectual disabilities. Adults like our own children. Many of whom have now taken the step into living in their own homes.
If you’re a parent to a child with intellectual disabilities, we know what you’re going through because we’ve been there. Thinking about a future where you won’t be able to support them the way you do now can feel daunting and, simply put, terrifying. And planning for that future can feel overwhelming. How do you even know where to start?
While every journey is different, we’ve learned that getting started is often the hardest part.
So, if you’re a parent of someone with intellectual disabilities, we hope this guide gives you a few practical, manageable steps to begin preparing your loved one for a future of living as independently as possible.
Take a Skills Snapshot
A helpful first step is to understand where your loved one is today. Think about the skills involved in daily living, such as:
- Doing laundry
- Washing dishes
- Grocery shopping
- Making food
- Personal hygiene routines
- Basic first aid
- Navigating the neighbourhood
Some families find it helpful to break these skills down even further. For example, grocery shopping includes noticing what food you need → making a list → getting to the grocery store → shopping → and putting the groceries away. The more detail you include in your list, the easier it becomes to identify strengths and areas where additional support may be helpful.
If you’re not sure where to start, we’ve included a comprehensive checklist from the Key to Home Housing Plan at the end of this post.
Identify the Skills Gaps
Once you have a full list of required skills, assess how independently your loved one with an intellectual disability can complete each task. Can they do the task completely on their own, independently if following written or visual instructions, or only when they have support?
Using a simple scale can help you prioritize what to focus on next. You may want to start with the skills that require the least learning – perhaps moving from following written or visual instructions to doing the task completely independently. Or, you may want to start with the skills that currently require a lot of support.
Make a Plan
The list may feel daunting at first and, if it does, that’s okay. Start by choosing 1-2 skills from the list and work on those together. If you know prompting pictures help, create prompting pictures to build a new skill. Or maybe you want to implement one cooking night per week to get your loved one comfortable in the kitchen. The key to success is making a plan that is clear, actionable, and attainable. Small wins build over time into lasting progress.
Track Progress & Make it Visual
Progress isn’t always linear. Some days will feel like big steps forward, while others may feel like setbacks. Making the process visual, and tracking progress, can help keep everyone motivated and able to see the progress over time. Whether it’s a checklist, a chart, or a simple tracking system, find a way to celebrate growth along the way.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Planning for your child’s future can feel isolating, but it doesn’t have to be.
There is a community of families who understand what you’re navigating—because they’re navigating it too. Connecting with others can provide not only practical guidance, but also reassurance and support.
If you’re looking to be part of a community that advocates for inclusive housing and shares your vision for the future, we invite you to consider joining Delta Housing Be Mine Society at https://deltahbms.com/join-us.
There’s no perfect time to begin planning. But starting early with small, everyday steps can make a meaningful difference over time.
Independent Living Skills Checklist
Use this checklist to understand where your loved one is today and which skills you need to work on to prepare them for living in their own home.
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I can:
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By myself
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With pictures or written steps
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With a little support
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With a lot of support
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Create meal plans
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Grocery shop
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Put groceries away
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Cook
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Clean up after cooking
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Wash and put away dishes
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Get up in the morning
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Do my personal hygiene routine
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Get dressed
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Make a lunch
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Get to my work or daily activity and back home
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Use public transportation
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Spend time in my home hanging out
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Get ready for bed
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Lock doors and windows
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Go to bed
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Stay asleep
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Clean my house (counters, floors, etc)
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Do laundry
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Take my medication
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Do basic first aid
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Phone my supporters
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Call 911
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Get to know neighbours
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Get to know my neighborhood
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Stay in touch with friends and family
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Arrange to meet friends and family
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Pay my bills
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Manage my bank account
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Manage my time
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Change a light bulb
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Check my smoke alarm
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Other
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Learn more and download the “Learning to Live in My Own Home” checklist at https://deltahbms.com/Finding-A-Home.
